Next month I’m heading over to the UK for a two-week tour of England where I’ll be staying in a different accommodation almost every night. While super exciting, packing for such a trip can be a nightmare. I don’t need to lug my large suitcase containing everything for my 10 day trip into a hotel where I’m only staying one night. So what to do? Read on to learn how I’ve mastered the art of packing and the dreaded road trip packing!
Okay, so that deals with your regular packing needs. For a road trip where you’ll be staying in multiple hotels you’ll need one large suitcase and one overnight duffle or carry on size case.
As an ADHD specialist, I frequently have the privilege of meeting couples where one partner has ADHD (or ADD). As they lead me on a tour of their home, it’s not infrequent that the spouse without ADD makes comments such as, “I don’t understand why she can’t keep this place tidy!” or “He’s attached to everything and refuses to throw anything out!”
I feel immediate compassion for the accused partner. Having ADD is challenging enough; living with someone who refuses to accept the diagnosis or has little understanding of the brain-based disorder adds another layer of difficulty.
I’m not a therapist but if given the opportunity, I like to point out the wonderful qualities of their ADD mate. Chances are, if you have ADD you possess a host of awesome qualities. Maybe you’re creative, a talented singer or writer. Perhaps an academic or a super successful salesperson. You probably have a wonderful, warm and bubbly personality which attracted your mate to you initially. Alas, as the years go by, the partner without ADD starts to focus on your lack of focus, disorganization, your tardiness or other weaknesses.
There are many well-written books on ADHD. If you’re reading this and the above scenario feels oh so familiar, I recommend my all-time favorite book, Delivered from Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D., and John J. Ratey, M.D. Hallowell (who has ADHD) focuses on the positive, on the huge potential of the person. I find his approach refreshing and helpful to both partners.
What if you’re still single and looking for love? Hallowell dedicates a whole chapter to describing what kind of mate is best if you have ADHD. Here’s a short excerpt that brings tears to eyes each time I read it:
“Someone who loves you for who you are. Someone who gets a kick out of you. Someone whose voice lifts when he/she hears it is you on the other end of the line. It is helpful if the mate can educate (him)herself about ADD and not take the blunders that the ADD mate makes personally or as if they were done on purpose. ADD is not an excuse, but it is a powerful explanation.”
As Valentine Day approaches (and at the risk of being too sappy) I share this poem (also from Hallowell’s book)
By Cherie Dawn Mills
You are my hope.
You meet me where I am and love me there—
not pushing, nor blaming, but only rejoicing
with me, or lending me your handkerchief.
You gently hold me earthbound in the blackness
of my fears, or during my endangerment from
flights of fantasy.
You do not fear the depths of my weakness,
nor the heights of my strength,
You ever see in me the wondrous possibilities
that my sins and sorrows and daily concerns
have caused me to forget.
Your love empowers me to give my love to others—
to mold the dirty clay of my feet into
sparkling angel wings.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you all,
My Evernote conversion occurred about five years ago. Stuffed in the back of my junk drawer (yes, I also have one) for several years, lay a handwritten recipe for the best maple balsamic salad dressing obtained from a restaurant in Vermont. Frustrated with my lack of organization for something so valuable, I downloaded Evernote and my life was forever changed.
I created a notebook in the Evernote app and titled it “Recipes,” took a photo of the recipe within the Evernote app et voila! Wherever I am, on my phone, tablet or laptop I have a screenshot of the recipe. I quickly saw how transformational this would be in both my personal and professional life. When a friend recommends a great restaurant, it goes into the notebook I created titled “Recommended Restaurants”. I also do this for movies, books, wine, travel destinations, decorating ideas. All those great details we scribble on the back of napkins never to find again.
If I’m surfing the web, I can use Evernote webclipper to clip an article or page and put it into the notebook of my choice. I can also dictate notes into Evernote and draw using the Skitch app.
I also have a notebook for each of my kids. I have a screenshot of their health insurance cards, health records, photos of their artwork from Kindergarten so I could get rid of those large poster-size monstrosities, er, I mean works of art. The list goes on.
For my business, I’m able to share notebooks with my team and with our clients. We often take notes during an organizing session and share these with our clients. Evernote also eliminates the need to email documents back and forth. Instead, the whole team can collaborate and has access whether they are working remotely or in the office to notes, documents, photos, etc.
I’m barely scratching the surface of Evernote’s endless possibilities. For more information and to create your free online account check out www.evernote.com
Let’s take a brief trip down memory lane. What was it that initially attracted you to your spouse? Perhaps you fell for his outgoing, life-of-the-party personality. Maybe you were drawn to her gifted, creative nature. In those initial stages of love, you possibly detected his or her organizing limitations but those flaws were a small price to pay to be with the one you loved.
Fast forward a year — or maybe twenty — and you are at your wits end. Why is it so difficult for her to keep the house straight? Why does he leave his stuff everywhere? Your spouse’s disorganization is putting a serious strain on your relationship.
We, who are naturally organized, are mystified by others who struggle in this area. We seldom run late, we rarely lose things, and our homes have always been relatively organized. We take our innate organizing skill for granted. After all, how difficult is it to keep a tidy home, go through the mail, or clear out a closet?
Studies have found the more creative a person, the more organizationally challenged. So, may I be so bold as to suggest that it probably is not just your spouse’s disorganization that is causing a strain in your relationship. Could it possibly be your own willingness to accept that something so simple to you doesn’t come so easy to him or her?
We live in a society that places high value on being organized. A lack of organization costs us both financially and emotionally. Your spouse most likely feels a sense of shame, guilt, and embarrassment for not having their organizing act together. They desire to get organized; they just don’t know how.
Enter the professional organizer. Our purpose as organizers is not just to help you (or your spouse) tidy up, but to transfer and impart those ‘oh so needed’ organizing skills. An effective organizer encourages you to let go of the excess in your home, strategizes with you to plan the best organizing systems for your space, and ensures that you have learned how to maintain a structure and order that works for you both.
So, the next time you feel tempted to nag your spouse over the mess in your home, focus on all those wonderful qualities that drew you together, and consider the value of a professional organizer. We may not be able to solve all your marital woes, but we can surely help when organizing opposites attract.